No one ever told me that it is NOT okay to just go through the motions. And just in case no one has ever told you, IT’S OKAY TO NOT BE OKAY. What’s not cool is when we start going through the motions but we never face the problem at hand. We cover it up with routine and normality. Somewhere down the line someone told us that acting normal, even when we know things are far from normal, is acceptable. I always thought I had to be okay, even when I knew I wasn’t okay. I was walking around deeply wounded and barely functioning but it seemed like no one could see it! Once I was not in the presence of people, I would always cry and say to myself “how is it that I’m around all these people but no one can see that I’m hurting?” But I was being a contradiction to myself! I wanted someone to come to me and tell me that they could see me hurting but every time someone would ask if I’m okay, I would always say, “yes!” So, now I’ve confused myself. At this point, I had trained my mind to be “the help” instead of seeking “the help.” Even as I was barely functioning, I was still trying to be “the help” because I thought I always had to be okay!! And if I wasn’t okay, I had a find a way to appear to be okay. Not knowing that I was only hurting myself more because I was completely functioning out of my feelings at this point and I was not in any shape to really give the help that was needed. I needed to be helped but I was afraid to admit it out of fear of seeming to be weak. I was afraid to admit out loud that I was not okay!
Why is it that we feel like we are less than human when we admit that we are not okay? Why do we feel like “going along to get along” is a penicillin to the infections of our lives? Who started the “I’m good, no matter what” trend? Well, whomever started it must have been living in a bubble because no matter how much I would like to think that I’m “unbothered” everyday, the truth is I have some “bothered” days! And sometimes I do not feel okay. Not only that, but some days, I act according to my feelings! But guess what, who doesn’t?! Stop feeling like you’re a disappointment because you have feelings. Stop feeling like you’ve missed the mark because you’re hurt. Take some time to get healed. Take a moment to step back and regroup. People need you but they need you healed and fully functioning. It’s okay to refocus and get yourself together. It’s needed!!
Accept the fact that you have issues and sometimes you’re not okay! But what’s not acceptable is the fact that you’re ignoring your issues just to “appear to be.” Yes, I see you functioning as you normally do but are you okay?