Tag: family

The What. The When. The Why.

Chandra K

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As humans, we depend on a few things to make our daily decisions. We usually depend on the what, the when, and the why. We wake up everyday and get started based on what we have to accomplish, when it needs to be accomplished, and why it has to be accomplished. These things tend to push us to progress. When all three questions are answered, we feel secure in handling our business and doing what needs to be done. One thing I’ve noticed is that when we don’t have the answers to the what, when, and why, we tend to procrastinate or prioritize it much lower on our to-do list. Have you ever been in an uncomfortable situation and maybe you felt like you didn’t know what was going on?  I have. I don’t like uncertainty and I hate to not know what’s coming next in my life. When I can’t answer the questions of why am I supposed to do this and what happened to change that and when will this take place, I tend to back off and not want to do anything because I can’t find reasoning. We find security in reasoning. Once we find out the reasons, we can operate effectively with confidence. But the question is what happens when you don’t know the reason? What happens when the why is not answered? Do you tend to slow down? Or do you do like me and just stop?

As believers, we are called to perform and continue no matter if we never know the what, the when, or the why because we are SUPPOSED to walk by faith at all times. Am I saying that information is not important? Of course not! The Bible tells us that we are supposed to seek an understanding in all of our seeking. I am simply saying that sometimes we won’t know the why. Sometimes we won’t understand the what. And many times we will not know the when. All we know is that our beliefs and our actions should always be based on faith. Especially in the moments when those questions are not answered!

In other words, blessed are those who continue to walk, continue to sow, continue to remain faithful, and continue to push, before you find out the why. I say this all the time, the situation doesn’t feel good. And the one thing we all would like to know is, “when will it end? When will it get better? Why am I going through this? What have I done wrong?” Just remember blessed are those who believe without seeing!

We know that no matter how dark and lonely the road is, He promised to ne a light unto our pathway! So, continue to walk, even when you can’t see because the steps of the righteous are ordered by the Lord!

Trust the Plan

Chandra K

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Not too long ago, my mother and I attended an event together. We had to park down the road from the event center and walk to the destination. The walk was very long; it was raining, and extremely cold. Due to the conditions of the weather, we decided to walk faster to get to a warm place. While walking fast, I noticed that the shoes I was wearing made it difficult to keep up with my mother. She had on flat boots and I had on heels. Due to the weather conditions, the sidewalks and pathways were both muddy and slippery. So a few times, my mother had to slow down and give me a chance to catch up because I couldn’t walk as fast as she could. However, we finally made it to our destination. We sat down and got comfortable. We warmed up as we were enjoying the event. As it came closer to the end, my mother told me she was ready to go because she wanted to beat the crowd. I wanted to stay in the event because it was cold and I was comfortable. I was not in a hurry to take that tedious walk so I wanted to stay where I was because it was comfortable.  Plus, we would be walking back with more people if we stayed until the end of the event and I figured that would make the walk less tedious. But because my mom was very adamant, I said ok. I decided to be obedient. So we left. Me and my mother we’re walking and a Good Samaritan drove up on a golf cart and offered to give us a ride so we wouldn’t have to take the long walk back in that weather. There were two other ladies that also decided to leave early and they wanted to ride to their vehicle as well. At first, my thoughts were, “He asked us, as in me and my mom, if we wanted a ride. Not them!” But I knew that wasn’t right so we all jumped on the cart and took off. While we were driving, the wind was so cold until it felt like it was cutting my face! I had tears in my eyes and my clothes were wet from the rain. I started to think, it may have been easier if we just walked. Then, I found out that we had to detour because the driver wanted to drop the other ladies off first! But mom and I stayed on the cart. Once we dropped them off, the driver cut back across the parking lot and took me and my mother as close as he could to our vehicle and dropped us off. Once I got off the cart, I realized that we had only been riding the card for maybe a minute and a half. But because of the wind pressure and the rain, it seemed much longer. Once we made it to the car, my mom kept saying how good God was and how He allowed the guy on the golf cart to ride up and give us a ride to the car. She kept saying how we could’ve still been walking in the cold rain and wind if we had chosen to stay. She kept declaring how blessed we were by leaving at the right time.

This made me think. His plan is always better. Sometimes we want to stay where it’s comfortable and even amongst other people to make the journey seem more entertaining and less lonely. But sometimes, He just wants us to be obedient and move at the appointed time. He has a golf cart waiting on you, just to make your journey less tedious. Another thing I noticed was that even with the detours, His way is still the best option. Did I want to drop those ladies off at their vehicle? I’m embarrassed to say but truthfully, no. I wanted him to take us straight to our vehicle because I was freezing and I didn’t want to sit through the detour. But because I chose to be obedient to my mother and leave with her, there was a better option waiting.

The revelation is this; no, we don’t always understand the plan of God. No, we don’t always understand His will for our life. But what we do know is that His plan contains the best option for not only our future but also for our today! Often times we subject ourselves to the long route and the more tedious journey simply because we refuse to be obedient and trust His plan for us. He made us! So of course He wants what’s best for us! All I had to do was ride it out, even with the wind, the rain, and the detours, and the rest was taken care of. His plan and his way are always better. Choose to trust Him and His plan for your life.

The Wounded Warrior and Her Friends

Chandra K

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To all of my friends who refused to let me die in the struggle, I thank you! Transparency has always been key to me. So in order to share todays blog, allow me to paint a picture for you!

Just like a wounded soldier, I was shot on the battlefield, as many of us has been. The wound didn’t kill me but it disabled me. It kept me from functioning as a healthy soldier. I was still able to report to battle but because I was partially disabled, I wasn’t as effective as I once were. The smart thing for me to do would have been to take a leave in order to recover and then continue my battle.

I didn’t realize that I was holding up the progress of my fellow soldiers because instead of focusing on the battle itself, they were busy attending to me; one who should’ve been helping in the fight. But being me, I kept trying to fight. By now, my breastplate is hanging off and my armor isn’t properly secured because my injuries are preventing me from suiting up as I should. So instead of taking a leave, I’m still showing up crippled and half-functional. However, since I was still showing up to battle unarmed and unprepared, I suffered harder blows that only crippled me worse!

Finally, I decided to take a leave, I had taken all I could take and my health was beginning to fail. I accepted the fact that I needed to rest up if I ever wanted to fight again. I needed to be healed and regain my strength. While I was resting, I had friends who not only continued the battle but they fought on my behalf as well! The enemy saw that I was weak so he attacked even harder, but my friends held up the shield and blocked the fiery darts for me. They prayed and sent encouragement constantly! Even though I wasn’t able to help them fight, they still pushed me to recover because they knew I would be back! They refused to let me die on the field. They carried me off to safety when my enemies were overpowering me. They nurtured the call. They pushed my purpose and they kept me covered. Now, that’s what friends are for!

Truth be told, there are plenty of wounded soldiers out there. Some have been left to die on the battlefield. And some were saved by friends and fellow soldiers. I am blessed enough to have people around me who genuinely care and they came to my aid! They didn’t let me die in the battle. They cared for me during the struggle.

What about your friends? Do you have any fellow soldiers that will refuse to let you die in your struggle? Are they willing to carry you to safety? Or will they stand by and watch you bleed to death?

Mutualistic Interactions

Chandra K

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One thing I’ve learned is everybody is not assigned to you! There will be some who will cling to you because of the idea of you or because of the benefits you can bring to them but ultimately, they are not for you.

For a long time I struggled with that. I thought I could help everybody and I actually tried until I found out that some people didn’t genuinely want my help. They just wanted to be connected to me! I quickly found out that this was dangerous because they didn’t have my best interest at heart. This showed me that they really didn’t care about my well-being or my purpose but at any cost, they just wanted to be able to say we were connected some kind of way. It was more of a leech relationship than a mutualistic interaction. After all, all leeches need is a steady supply and a ride to the next destination.

I realized that more drama and confusion was being created in my life because I was subjecting myself to this one-sided relationship! I’ve never lived a drama-filled life and I didn’t like it. I hated the fact that my peace had been disturbed and I constantly felt drained. It was because I allowed leeches to suck the life out of me. Not only that, but I noticed how I had began to lose focus and distractions started multiplying. This was because I was giving all I had to help the leech but I wasn’t receiving anything to replenish what I had given out. I had developed and harvested way too many one-sided relationships and it was greatly affecting me. So I released.

I shut off the valve that was supplying fuel to the leeches. And I realized that once I shut off the valve, the leeches didn’t die. They simply found another place to draw fuel from. And from that, some continued to drain others and some actually developed mutualistic interactions. Those that developed mutualistic interactions puzzled me. I wondered why wasn’t it a mutualistic interaction when they were connected to me. As time progressed, I realized that I had become comfortable with supplying and that’s all they were searching for at that moment, a supplier! But the next place demanded that mutualistic interaction. This meant that the leech would either grow up or die because the supplier demanded it!

Outside of the biology world now, think about the leeches in your life. Have you lost sight of your vision due to constantly giving your all to one specific area? Is it a one-sided relationship?

Important question: Can the same people you are pouring into, pour into you?

Conscious effort time. Are you okay with being a supplier? Is it that important to you just to be connected to someone but not experience a healthy growth from it? You decide.

Impact Strength

Chandra K

img_2137-editIt all boils down to one thing, you have what it takes to survive!

This past week, I was blessed to sit under the teachings of Pastor T.L. Taylor of Memphis, TN. While he said many things that caught my attention, one thing really stuck with me though. He gave an analogy about a basketball and a bowling ball. He stated that if a basketball and a bowling ball were to be dropped simultaneously, at the same time, the basketball would bounce back up while the bowling ball would remain on the ground. The conclusion is, the basketball was just built out of the right material to handle the impact and bounce back while the bowling ball was not.

We could easily use this analogy and apply it to our lives. Let this be hope to you! Ever wondered how you were still going when life has hit you with so many blows? Maybe you’ve questioned why you’re able to bounce back and not quit after so many failed attempts. Or maybe you’re unsure how you’re able to handle the pressure and endure so much adversity. It’s simple. You’re made out of the right stuff! There may be times where you want to quit but your inner man keeps pushing forward.

Do we get tired sometimes? Yes. Do we want to quit? Yes. Does it feel good all the time? No. Definitely not. Truth be told, sometimes it may not seem worth it but because you have Impact Strength, you withstand and press on! Impact Strength keeps you from being broken when you’re dropped. Impact Strength keeps you from being destroyed when you’re mishandled. Impact Strength causes you to be able to smile when you’ve been wounded. Impact Strength keeps you focused in a world of confusion and disorder! You have impact Strength! How do I know? Because you’re still here! You haven’t given up! And you won’t! Because you’re built out of the right stuff!

You’re clothed in strength and grace! Your make up is unique! So, no matter the situation, you’ve been dressed for impact! Even when you think you’re not prepared, your strength shows you other wise! Don’t underestimate your ability to bounce back! The ground can’t kill you and the walls won’t destroy you! You were built for it!

Self-Seeking, Self-Sufficient, Self-Reliant, Selfish

Chandra K

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We know that self-sufficiency is defined as not needing any aid or assistance; self-reliant, not requiring any outside help. It’s a good thing to be independent, as long as it’s paired with humbleness and humility. In a sense, we all strive to reach an aspect of self-sufficiency, especially financially but sometimes it can be taken too far and used negatively. And if we are not careful, self-sufficiency becomes “I don’t need anybody for anything”…but in the wrong way. These type of people are dangerous.

Be careful with those who feel as if they don’t need anybody. These people are usually less compassionate for others because they can not relate to anything, other than themselves. They tend to be more wreck less with their words because they see themselves as self-reliant. They see little to no need to repair friendships or connections. So they’re usually not sensitive to the needs and feelings of those that are around them. These type of people usually have a hard time connecting, establishing, and maintaining long term relationships and friendships due to their lack of need for anyone. There is usually no regard for the lives of others, only for themselves and the things that concerns them. So, I asked myself “How can one go from being a simple independent person to being an arrogant self-seeking individual?”

Like this…once a mindset is developed of not needing anyone, it’s paired with the mindset of “look at me, I’m doing this on my own!” People who usually obtain this mindset, gains fuel and validation from making sure others notice their self-sufficiency. At that point humility and humbleness goes out the window! After all, what good is it to have something if no one knows you have it. This is because the person feels no value of their life and success unless there is an audience.

Some characteristics of a self-seeking, self-reliant, and self-sufficient person are things like conceitedness, boastfulness, and selfishness. If we are not careful, these things can sneak up and overtake us, especially when we are seeing a constant flow of blessings. Unknowingly, we can turn into the self-sufficient person, needing no one or nothing. No matter how blessed or lifted God blesses us to be, we will always need someone. So today, the challenge is to search our hearts and minds. Be honest with yourself. Do you obtain any of these characteristics? Have you found yourself saying you don’t need anyone? I understand that some connections are poisonous but the fact still remains that everybody needs somebody.

Not Like The Last Time

Chandra K

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Every experience is not like the last experience. Often times, we treat new opportunities like our old experiences. In reality, we should treat every new opportunity as just that. Just because the last time was a disaster does not mean it has to be this time. Think about how many times we miss great opportunities because we are applying the old mindset and the old experience. Instead, we should embrace the new opportunity with a new mindset. You can not automatically assume that this time will be a replay of last time. That could be the reason you don’t see progress.

Do you even see an opportunity for better or do you only see the same results? If this is the case, the problem may not be that the opportunities are not being presented, the problem could be that you are addressing the opportunities wrong and you’re destroying your door before it even opens. Some people have gotten so used to rejection until it becomes difficult for them to receive acceptance.

Change your mindset. Change your approach. Think different. Expect different. Be brave. Plan wisely. React accordingly. See better!

Every situation is different. This means, every situation should be handled different. Remember, there is always a chance that this time could be different so don’t kill it before it even comes to life.

No More Excuses

Chandra K

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There should be a point where you say enough is enough and I’ve run out of excuses! There is absolutely no reason to still be in the same position you were in last year! There is absolutely no reason why you’re still contemplating the same decisions based on the exact same situation from years ago! Seeking God for guidance and direction is one thing but being lazy and making excuses is another!

When will we realize that our excuses and laziness only holds us back from the future? We tend to blame others or our circumstances when we feel like our life isn’t moving fast enough. However, this is not the reality of the situation. The reality is this, it sounds good to pray for an open door or a golden opportunity but it’s hard to back up the prayer for the impossible with action! It’s easy to make excuses and say “I’m waiting on God or my time is coming” and all the time, we just sit back and let blessing after blessing pass us by. Why? Because we are lazy and we make excuses just to make us feel better about still being stuck in the same place! It’s almost like going to a restaurant and the waiter takes your order at your request. The waiter delivers the food to your table and places your silverware directly beside your order. He verifies that your order is correct and it is exactly what you asked for. You check your plate and confirm that it is correct. The waiter then walks away from your table and leaves you to eat your food. While you’re starving, you sit there and look at the food, as if you’re waiting for the waiter to return and feed it to you. Even though it’s as simple as picking up the fork and eating what’s placed directly in front of you, you find every excuse to not pick up your fork and feed yourself. When will it become a reality that if you don’t pick up the fork, you won’t eat? You asked for food and it was provided. You were even given utensils to make it easier but you decide to not eat because no one is sitting at the table cheering you own while you pick up the fork on YOUR plate to feed YOUR OWN SELF! Maybe you didn’t pick up the fork because you felt like someone should fix your plate and feed it to you too. Either way is unacceptable! No one has to feed you! No one has to boost you up! Does it feel good to have that type of encouragement? Of course it does! People that push you are a blessing! But the reality is, it’s not going to happen everyday. Some days you will have to encourage and push yourself! Does that mean you should stop or slow down? Certainly not! It just means you have to hold up your own sign, wave your own pom poms, yell out your own name, and still go up to bat all at the same time!

You have to make a personal choice to eat regardless! Meaning, your self-will must outweigh your excuses! It’s a great thing to be talented but it’s even greater to use it! It’s awesome to have a dream but it’s even more awesome to act on it! It’s good to have faith- we are not pleasing to God without it- but our faith is void without works to back it up! I’m just saying, we spend countless hours, years and decades asking and praying. We seem to have that part down packed. But we tend to fail when it’s time to move our own feet and walk towards our request! Stop waiting for something to fall in your lap when all you have to do is reach up above your head and grab it!

Perfectly Imperfect!

Chandra K

img_2167-editSo many times we think that because we made some bad choices or since we made some horrible mistakes, we can’t be used in certain areas. Sometimes we think that our past is so horrible until we have disqualified ourselves from speaking out against certain things and helping others. We have to remember that we’ve faced challenges and overcome obstacles just to be used! That means, YOU ARE NOT DISQUALIFIED BECAUSE OF YOUR SHORTCOMINGS! Your past failures and hang-ups actually makes it even better! Why? Because you can identify now! You understand better and you can relate to the issues of people. Never feel like you’re too much because of your past mistakes and failures or never feel like you’re not enough because of what you didn’t live up to. You’re perfectly imperfect, which makes you the perfect person for the job! We don’t get it right all the time. We don’t always say or do the right things at the right moments. We don’t even think the right thoughts sometimes, whether its admitted or not! But those imperfections qualify you to reach another imperfectly striving individual. I used to think that I couldn’t talk to people about God because I hadn’t reached perfection yet. Not knowing that I never would! But just as I was, God wanted to use me- to inspire others, to give hope, to spread love, to give the Gospel. Why? Because I was useable, I was willing to grow because I knew I didn’t know it all- or maybe it was because I was imperfect and He knew I would stumble across another imperfect person and I didn’t mind sharing my testimony- or maybe it was because I was willing to be used. Your imperfections can be used to tell a story of hope! Someone needs to hear about you!

If we are to be the hands and feet of God in this realm, we have to be able to reach and walk not only in the clean places, but in the most grimy and even desolate places of the earth. Which means that while we are walking in the coolness and the enjoyment of our destiny, we also have a mandate to visit and heal the dirty places. And what better person for the job than one who has first hand experience! You’re still useable!

Being a Barrier Breaker

Chandra K

Barrier: a fence or other obstacle that prevents movement or access; a circumstance or obstacle that keeps people or things apart or prevents communication or progress; a starting point for a racecourse
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IMG_0209What if you knew you had the ability to go 10 miles but there was a fence in the middle of the road at 8 miles? What if you could actually see something that you’ve been chasing for so long and the only thing standing in between you and the object is a 3 foot wall? What if you desired so badly to cross from one side of the yard to the other side but there were bushes and hedges in the way? Would you let those things stop you? Would you get to the point of being that close and turn around because of a fence or a wall that’s shorter than you or some bushes? What type of barrier would have to be put into place for you to stop and turn around? How do you identify which barriers to penetrate and which ones are guardrails?

Ask yourself a question, am I being held back by barriers? What will it take for me to break out of my barriers? Do I even know what my barriers are? We can’t break out of what we don’t know. In order to be a barrier breaker, we must be able to identify the barriers. We have to recognize what’s holding us back and what’s limiting us. Take a minute to think about your barriers. Not the effects or the emotions that are attached to it but the actual barrier itself. Often times we address the wrong issue.

For example, I had a friend who went to school and graduated with the dream of being a daycare owner. She found a building to start the daycare and she even got a grant to open it. One day, someone mentioned something to her about her dream being to big for a beginner and they told my friend that she should start off in someone else’s daycare as a helper before she opens her own. My friend has yet to open her own daycare because she thinks that she is ill-equipped to own her own so she settles for helping at someone else’s daycare. My friend mentioned that if that person hadn’t ever said that to her, she would be a daycare owner. Now, she’s held back by the opinion of someone else. Even if that were true, the fact still remains that the barrier is not the person that came and shared their opinion with my friend. The barrier itself is fear! If we can directly address the barrier itself, we can then conquer the opinions and insecurities that are brought to us by others. Because we are so afraid to recognize and address the real barrier, we prolong valuable time and we live within the standard.

Think about what’s limiting you. When you decide to become a barrier breaker, standards are changed, bars are raised and limits expand further than the sky! Be the one that breaks out…you’re to great to be restricted!

Now that we’ve identified our barriers, ask yourself one last question. In reference to the above definition, is my barrier a restriction or a starting point?

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