Tag: offense

Let’s Be Free

Chandra K

Today, it seems like being offended is the new trend. Don’t get me wrong, we all feel and experience hurt but I’m referring to the voluntary action of remaining offended, just because you feel as if you have “right” to. It seems as if people are preparing themselves to be offended. Think about it this way….

How many times have you convinced yourself that you have a “right” live in offense? How many times have you made a decision based on your offense? Now think about how many minutes, hours, days, or even years you’ve spent living in offense…crazy, huh?! As “right” as you may think you are, the truth is, you’re only creating a 6×8 frame for someone to live in. And guess who the prisoner is? Its YOU!

Living in offense keeps you captivated. Your decision making is not as stable as it should be. Your moods and emotions shift with the wind. Your drive and stride is fueled by irrelevant matters, such as haters and revenge. You lose focus of your goals. And the things that should really matter begins to fade into the backgrounds of insignificant time wasters.

Life is too precious to not live free. It’s time to free yourself. Go on and forgive that person. Let go of the guilt. Accept the apology that you may never hear. Set up the meeting to talk it out. Reconcile. Do what ever you have to do. But what you CAN NOT afford to do is live another day in offense. It doesn’t matter what kind of “right” you feel entitled to, stop hurting yourself because you have a “right” to. Is it really worth holding up your own progress? Is it really worth wasting more minutes, hours, days, or even years?

Lets decide to be free!

Prime Before You Paint

Chandra K

IMG_0208

As I was preparing to paint my patio furniture, I went to Home Depot. I went directly to the paint section. In my mind, I could just get the paint and start painting. When I was picking up the can of paint, which was the wrong one anyway, the associate stopped me and asked if I needed help. I said “no, I got it.” He wanted to know why I was buying paint so I told him. He said, “So you’ve already primed it?” I responded, “Uh…no. I figured I would just skip that step and start painting it.” He told me, “Ok, well that’s fine if that’s what you want to do but can I explain something to you?” I told him that he could. He went on to say, “Your primer is your base, it prepares the surface for the paint. You can paint the surface without the primer and it’ll still look good but when the rain comes, you’ll notice that your paint will fade and start looking old. That happens because you didn’t properly prepare for the paint.” He went on to say, “Ma’am, you cant just make the outside look good without the preparation. When you prime before you paint, you secure the outer layer. The rain and outside conditions wont strip or fade the paint.”

So I began to think, its just like life. When we properly prepare, we won’t be stripped of our blessing or our outer coat. Sometimes we jump straight to paint level without priming- so we don’t have anything holding our paint together. I wanted to skip the priming stage because it was tedious and I felt like it was a waste of time! I was just ready to see the finished product. I know the process seems tedious sometimes and we are so ready to see the results until we tend to skip some VERY IMPORTANT steps. But if I could just encourage you for one minute…When you’ve had to work hard and toil to get something that you’ve wanted so bad, you’ll appreciate it more and not only that, you will do whatever you have to do to protect it. That’s because you’ve been through the preparation stage, you’ve been primed, and now you’re equipped to keep what you’ve been blessed with. Even though the primer can’t be seen in the end result, it still serves as the gravity for the blessing.

We are all called to be great but we must prepare for greatness! The priming is necessary! Don’t skip it!

Healing The Real You!

Chandra K

IMG_0204

God doesn’t want to heal the fake you, the one you show people, the one that puts on a facade in front of a crowd, He wants to heal the real you! Not the false strength you show out of pride, but He wants the brokenness and the insecurities. Not the cover-ups and concealers, but the real you! Not the superficial person that doesn’t have bad days in public or the person that always holds it together no matter what, but the real you! He wants to heal the person that doubts, the one that’s timid and afraid, the one that appears to be functioning but is actually lost in the shuffle, He wants the real you. He can’t heal the person behind the mask because that person shows no flaws or need of assistance. That person has it all together. We rehearse being ok, we practice covering up, and we become so accustomed to “appearing to be” when we actually forget that, THAT IS NOT THE REAL US!!! Could it be that we are not healed from past hurts because we keep giving God a person that doesn’t even exist and we expect Him to “perfect the fake?” Or, could it be because we’ve been “filtered” so long until we’ve tricked ourselves into thinking that we don’t really need to be healed? Either way is NOT okay! What good is it to have a healer if you don’t want to acknowledge the hurt?

IMG_0203

God is not a plastic surgeon, He’s the GREAT PHYSICIAN! Be real with Him so He can heal you!

Intentional Forgiveness

Chandra K

IMG_0201

Forgiveness should never be dependent on an apology. Forgiveness should be based on an intentional will to release and move forward. Somewhere in life, we were taught that we should forgive after an apology has been given or after someone has expressed sorrowfulness towards us. However, great strength is shown when one can forgive without the other party offering an apology- verbally or non-verbally. It takes a powerful person to forgive someone who shows no remorse for offending you but you can do it! As we’ve been taught, forgiveness is not for the other person but its for you. Being able to forgive signifies that neither the person nor the offense has any control or influence in your life. Being able to forgive frees you from carrying the burden of offense and it prevents bitterness from taking root. After all, none of us would like to be characterized as the “bitter one.” But since we all know someone who is bitter, we can see the effects of un-forgiveness. This goes deeper than holding on to offense because of the thought of “getting back at the person who offended us” or not forgiving because we don’t want to be seen as the “push over,” this is for your sake. Not only that, but intentional forgiveness shows maturity and it serves as one of the many layers of this thing called “thick skin.” Be bigger. Be intentional.

IMG_0200

True forgiveness is ALWAYS intentional.

Face and Confront

Chandra K

IMG_0103

It is so easy to have the “just cut them off” mindset. How many times have we found ourselves cutting people off and ex-communicating ourselves with others? Instead of repairing or mending relationships, we’ve become accustomed to just leaving things as they are. But what happens when we are faced with the same situation but with a different person? Will we just develop a habit of cutting people off because its easier to do? Why is it hard for us to face and confront? Do we leave situations as they are because it’s really the best thing to do or is it because we would much rather not deal with the real issues at hand? Are we really being the bigger person by walking away from others when situations arise of are we really just copping out and using the situation as an excuse to end a relationship?

What if that person is connected to your purpose or your destiny? What if you’re cutting off someone who really has your best interest at heart? Sometimes our feelings and our emotions trick us into thinking that we shouldn’t have to face and confront because we are so hurt. So, if we go through life with the shallow mindset of “cut off those who offend me,” we’ll never have friends or family, for that matter. This level of emotionalism causes instability in any relationship.

Sincerely take a moment to evaluate. Out of all the questions I’ve asked in this blog, I need you to ask yourself these two. How many people have YOU offended in your life? And how many chose to still be connected to you after YOU offended them?

I encourage you to mend those relationships. Repair them. Build them stronger.
Life is too great to be hindered by your emotions.

Link or Kink?

Chandra K

IMG_1559

DISCLAIMER: This blog will require a self-check!

Sometimes we find ourselves in compromising situations, one in particular could be a middle-man. As much as we try to avoid being this person, sometimes we find our self here. One may ask how someone can be a middle-man. Well, it’s as simple as being connected to two different people that may have animosity with each other but they are both fond of you. Even though you’re clear on both sides, you could still be the deciding factor of this situation. Depending on the closeness of both relationships, your opinion could carry a lot of weight. This means that you have the opportunity to be a link or a kink!
I remember being in a situation that involved a family member and a very close friend. Although these two individuals were not feuding to the point of violence, there was little to no communication with them. The sad part is, this all stemmed from a situation that was created by another person who couldn’t control their emotions, and they played both sides with these same two individuals, not knowing that this would create a lasting dislike between them. Now, here I was, being a family member to one individual and a good friend to the other individual, I knew that the two individuals did not care for each other too much but I couldn’t allow their opinions of each other to change my perception of either one of them. I had several opportunities to create more madness and make the situation worse than it already was but I didn’t. I chose to not talk to either one of the individuals about the other individual.
One day, my friend decided to push me into talking about my family member. At first, I kept avoiding the conversation because I didn’t my friend to feel like I was okay with her talking about my family member. This situation revealed my opportunity. I had the option to either be a link or a kink! We’ve all seen a chain. We know that a chain, no matter how long or short it is, it’s only made up of small links that are connected together to make one unified object. On the other hand, we’ve also seen a water hose that has been bent in the middle. The water has a hard time flowing from the source to the destination because the pathway isn’t straight. This is called a kink. Until the kink is straightened out, the hose will never be able to function as it was meant to.
I saw my chance and I decided to be a link. My friend, Quanisha always says “We are better together”- to me, this means we can function better as a chain. Even if we are only small links, a chain is a chain because of small links!
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve failed this test plenty of times. Looking in retrospect, I can recall several times where I had been a kink when I should have been a link. I should have had the mindset of Quanisha, We are better together!

Now, I know better. Now, I know that damaged relationships can be repaired or destroyed by the middle-man. Now, I know that influences matter. Now, I know that I can be the bigger person even if the battle is not mine- because I am connected on both sides!

YOU have the ability to decide if the chain connects or not. So I ask you, Are you a link or a kink?

Start With Me

Chandra K

IMG_0070Have you ever had a moment when you’ve been so offended by a person or situation to the point that you’re unable to forgive? I’m talking about being so offended until you convince yourself that the person doesn’t deserve to be forgiven? Yes, I’ve been there. I felt as if I was so wronged by a person until forgiveness was not even an option for them, especially from me. In my mind, I wondered, “Why should I forgive them just so they can see how much of a ‘push-over’ I am, then mistreat me again?”

One day, while I was driving, I was reminded of something horrible that I had done years ago. As I reminisced on my wrong-doing, I started to feel bad all over again as if the situation was happening at that present moment. I felt so horrible that I noticed that I had started talking to myself saying “You just made a mistake and you have to move forward.” I had to remind myself that God has forgiven me for that, I had forgiven myself, and I wasn’t that person anymore. I began to feel better because I remembered that God had forgiven me and He wasn’t holding it against me.

All of a sudden, it hit me! As if someone slapped me in the face. I asked myself, “Who am I to rob someone of their grace?” I was holding a grudge because I had decided that someone didn’t deserve to be forgiven because their offense was so cruel to me. But yet, I was able to label my “short-coming” as a mistake! What if God hadn’t forgiven me? What if He said that my offenses were too bad and I didn’t deserve His forgiveness? At that moment, I found myself crying and saying “God start with me! I have been far from perfect and I still struggle at times. So, when I get beside myself and decide that someone else’s offense is greater than mine, God show me, me!”

I adopted the mindset, start with me. Before I pass judgment on anyone else’s situation, before I decide if someone else is worthy to be forgiven, before I put my mouth on a situation that does or does not concern me, Lord, start with me. Remind me that I still need grace. Remind me that You rescued me when I didn’t deserve it. Remind me that my past isn’t pretty. Remind me to start with me!

So, I encourage you to see yourself. Honestly, see yourself. The real You.

-Chandra K.

“Blessed are the merciful, For they shall obtain mercy.”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:7‬ ‭NKJV‬‬